αγάπη.

Love.

It's tattooed on my right wrist. But I have no idea what it means. And I'm realizing that more every day.

So, I ask myself, why the reminder of that which I don't understand? Exactly. I need to be reminded every day that I don't understand what I need the most. Read on.

I've been having a difficult time lately for multiple reasons. My coping strategy (when I'm in my right mind) is to journal. I process by writing. Well, I got to a point in my writing where I was able to admit to myself that I operate out of fear much of the time. Then I listed my fears. I stopped after I realized that I may run out of paper (I really like my current journal). I fear failure, I fear the disapproval of those I care about, I fear rejection, I fear being alone, I fear not knowing what's coming next.

Surprisingly, I was in my right mind, so I thought. What does Jesus have to say about these fears? Well, I read Matthew 6, but it wasn't until I had coffee today with a dear brother that I realized the most important concept Jesus has to offer concerning fear in this passage:

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." (Matthew 6:33)

What does this mean? It means that I need to seek God and have confidence in the fact that His cloak of righteousness has been attributed to me, even in my depravity. I have the ability to love through Jesus. I have the opportunity to be a lover and a recipient of love if I seek his righteousness. But I haven't been taking advantage of this opportunity. . .

All I can do is praise God for answer to prayers. He really provided for me today in the form of speaking truth through good friends. I was able to be honest and receive rebuke because of Jesus working through one individual. I was able to taste a little of God's love for me. It's sweet nectar. How could I go after anything else? Why would I go after anything else?

Jesus, please give me the ability to see you and you only. Enable me to seek your righteousness and operate out of love, not fear of the created or of man. Amen.